I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
