Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this will be a night to untag.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
