Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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