I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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