The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
