i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
