I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
