I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
