i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
