I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
