Where is the hickey?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
