Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
