I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
