If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
