Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
