so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
