i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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