Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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