just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
