they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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