I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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