I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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