This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
