I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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