i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
