I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
