Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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