i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
