Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
