I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
