i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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