god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
