I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
