...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
