my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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