I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
