Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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