just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
