well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
