Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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