I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize