just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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