no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
