why didn't you poke me back
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
