DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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