When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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