So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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