It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
