Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
