I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
