and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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