I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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