I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
