so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
