Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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