p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
