I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
3pm strippers are depressing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
