i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
