I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
