i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
