they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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