If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
