So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
