My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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