People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how drunk are you?
Several
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
