Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
