my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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