That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
