32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
