I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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